A Real Pain in the Eyes

I'm here today to talk about my eyes. I'm getting ready to go crazy.

Off and on for the last three weeks I have been coughing. Ok. Fine. I can deal with it. But what I absolutely cannot deal with is stuff coming out my eyes that looks like it should be coming out my nose. It's so attractive in the morning.

Now I have a new symptom. The evil red eyes. I had them one day about a week and half ago. They were REALLY bad, but they didn't bother me.

Today, well, I'll make a list of all the things that they felt like all day long.

1. Someone splashed fingernail polish remover in them.

2. I ran through cedar trees with my eyes open (yep, did that one in real life so have something to compare it to)

3. Every time I blinked, someone who thought they were funny, rubbed sandpaper on my eyeballs.

4. Like I opened the little pop up lid of the toilet cleaner and it spouted into my eye at 2 in the morning (yep, that happened in real life too, and the memory is pretty vivid)

5. The cat tried to claw my eyes out while I was sleeping (I don't own a cat)

6. Like I swam 5 miles underwater in a heavy cholorinated pool, being pushed by a motor boat going 60 mph.

7. After staring at the sun for 11 hours, the eclipse finally happened.

8. The mascara I have had bacteria in it and it is eating my eyelids away (another true one, although my eyelids stayed intact) (And no, I just bought new mascara about a month ago.)

I'm getting ready to go pirate. Arg. Where's me patch?

And yes, they really hurt that bad. How will I read about Bella and Edward tonight before I go to sleep?